Meeting with Caroline

Met with Caroline today to talk about a few things

-First response in report, since I didn't get much from it? - just talk about that
-Presentation vs report & space: having it up on the screen plus on a laptop/mobile in front of them is a good idea. Don't repeat exact same thing in pres & report.


Things I wanted to ask & got feedback on the comic itself:

- page one end: add sign in background of fence image, crossover is better now

-page 7 composition/panel placement is better.
-don't need to have the faery disappear at end, just have the flower hit it and move on

-a few dialogue bits on the weeds and pg 7 got edited.

-page 8, the echoing panels should be the same size as the ones on page 1

Audience testing

In Exhibition class while waiting for the tutor to come around Josh read through my comic on my phone - I didn't get to observe him the whole way because we were multitasking, but the main comment he had was that the horizontal scroll on the bottom of page 1 is kind of weird/goes too fast. I'm not sure there's any way for me to fix that, but I'll look into it.

He also asked about whether it was made for mobile or desktop - he thought it definitely worked well on mobile, and was good it worked on both, for different users.

Week 9 - lecture, audience testing

Lecture
Got some important information about reports, presentations, exposure.

Critique
-Then crits. I talked to Samantha a lot about hers, and laying out things/spacing them out more.
Then she went through mine. Was very expressive about what she liked and her thoughts at each point, had a few small suggestions. It was also interesting to see what things she exclaimed about and what she didn't.

Also interesting to see it took her 7 minutes to read, and she was reading quite fast

On page one, one of the bubbles was behind the tree

On page five it took a few seconds to load and she was briefly confused, but saw the bubble and was like "oh! which quest? straight ahead"

She liked the way you clear off the weeds in the weeds quest: "oh they get rid of the plants! that was like a tiny game."

She also liked the parts with the dramatic expressions.

I need to make the svg curl on the flower at the end of that quest longer, because on some screens it doesn't curl all the way.

At the end of the beast quest, the "finish the rest of your tasks" doesn't make sense if you read it last, it should just be singular task, or just "the rest"

Comments from Sam

Some comments from Sam on the latest version.

Discussion with Tanya

I talked to Tanya this morning. We didn't go through the whole thing, just up to one of the quests. Unlike Caroline and Donald she understood the quests/arrows immediately, which is probably indicative of her practice being in a similar area of digital media - and she pointed out most of my target audience will understand that more too.

We mostly talked about plot and character things - she thinks I should add some more agency and some of my dialogue is passive - especially on page 3. There should also be more of a reason to go into the forest, for example she's taking a shortcut



She also thought I could add a lot more interactive/hypercomic things, which we discussed.

Notes:

Talking to Donald

Talked to Donald today.

We mostly just went through the comic, I picked up some more issues, both technically and usability-wise.

We talked about my art style and how long it might take me - I need to figure that out.


For some reason on one page the font didn't load, which threw the speech bubbles out of place. I need to look at choosing a default fallback font that as similarly sized as possible.

With the arrows, now that I have the next button visible but disabled it was more obvious, but it still took him a second to get. This will probably be more obvious to my target audience, but I think I'll change the text bubble to say "which quest shall we do.." rather than "which one.." , which will probably clear some hesitation?

Notes:

Fixing issues

I was having an issue that when you scrolled to the end of this section the scrolling went down and snapped left a little instead of just stopping perfectly at the end (and also displaying a horizontal scrollbar for a second)

It was also causing issues with usability when Caroline was user testing (paired with the fact she wasn't familiar with using my laptop)

I played around with the javascript animation x-axis and duration but I wasn't quite fixing it.....but I eventually realised it was just a case of  adding -500px margin to the bottom to remove that negative space.

Choice page tweaks

When showing Caroline my prototype (aka user testing) there was a brief moment of her not knowing what to do on this page - not being able to see the next button and not realising the arrows are links. I decided to make it so, instead of the next link only appearing once you've done the quests, it's always there, but disabled until you've done them all. I also made the title attribute say "read the quests before you can continue" though I'm not sure if it's necessary. I will test this with some new people and see if it works better.

I also briefly discussed with her about whether I should take this out and just make it linear, in which case we discussed the order of them (in terms of pacing)

Meeting with Caroline

I met with Caroline today to go over my thumbnails. First she read through the whole thing and I observed, seeing how she read things, any navigation or reading issues, and then we went back through it and discussed things in more detail. I had all my thumbnails printed out and annotated.

I noticed in some places she scrolled quite fast and missed some of the animations, so I've spaced them out vertically a bit more.

Notes: pacing overall needs work. What places can I cut down, what panels are unnecessary? We talked about specifics.

Page one could be a little more better continuity-wise between panels, eg keeping her hand on her face, or the way she's sitting up. The expression of the first panel, too.
We also talked about smoothing the transition to the last scrolling panel and how I could do that - by starting it with a frame and  expanding it out a bit (like I've done here) or maybe making the panels above overlap it a bit....

She had a few suggestions for dialogue changing too.

Notes:

Audience testing

I got Kezia to read through my thumbnails tonight.

-Mostly thought it was good! was interesting to see which bits she stopped and scrolled back and forth on / looked at, etc, and what she didn't.

In terms of the story - main issues were 'swear it' at the end of page 4 felt unfinished, and the stomps etc of the beast quest should be reversed because she missed them with her fast scrolling.

Supercrit

I set up the space with my print outs on the wall, my laptop and phone on the side with the comic, a folder with a bit more sketches/moodboards etc on the side, and a feedback sheet in the middle. I also had my phone set up with the comic there.

We’d like to read (1) what critique experience you found useful, why, (2) what you intend doing (and showing us) when you return from break, and (3) a very short summary as a critical opinion of what you saw at #supercrit.

Supercrit 10/5

It was helpful to talk to Caroline a few days after talking about my project, as I got some deep specific advice on my story which is what I'm looking for right now. I also put as much information on my project up on the wall so I could get feedback from people walking past when I wasn't there, as a kind of exposure practice,

One of the main concerns is still the orientation/device, which I have in the last few days decided I will design primarily for the mobile, but still make sure it works on all other devices. I also can still space things out a lot more than what I've done so far - most of my panels are still quite close like a paper comic page, and I could use the space a lot more for pacing. There are definitely still things I need to sort out with that, though, like the exact text size, and whether I'm also going to make a version (code wise) that works for ipad/tablet. I also discussed this briefly with Tristam and Tim, who pointed out if it comes to that I can just make it work for one size device for exposure/presentations and say my intentions are to make it work for both, and do that later.

With Caroline I also talked about the specific real-life metaphors for the quests, I had two of them figured out but the connection of the beast / phone call was something I hadn't thought of. I had some concerns about that implying a negative view on technology but we discussed how it can be more nuanced than that. Once I've gotten the end of the story more solidly written I should also go back over it a lot and figure out the exact pacing, see what needs to be shortened or lengthened and how I can put more meaning into it visually.

My feedback from other students was all good, people like the art style and interactivity of it. I got a lot of people saying it was good I had a lot of concept art up on the walls and explanation. Another thing I was interested in seeing people's opinions on was the nonlinear/fork in the road section - I've had one comment (in my earlier prototype) that it took away some of the immersion, so I made the design simpler and clearer in this version. I got at least three comments that people liked that part specifically, which is good.

It was also helpful to get some questions from people that I have an answer to, but hadn't thought about specifically addressing  - the sorts of things I should think about explaining in my presentation and exposure. 

There was a lot of interesting work from other people. It was good to see some cool design and art from people I'd only seen concepts for previously. A lot of projects had no explanation of their work, though, just some of what they've made on the table - which looked interesting, but I had no idea what it was about. I suppose a lot of people were looking for feedback specifically from when they talked to people about it, rather than from anyone who comes up to look at it as I was. It was good to see how some of the projects I discussed with people at the second showing have progressed.

For after the break, my plans are to have the story/plot completely finalised, and have a working prototype of the whole story code-wise that I can then add in the final art as I do it. I also will do more concept art for locations and overall colour palettes.

Feedback I got:

Reader testing

I asked on the webcomic creators discord I'm part of if anyone would be willing to look over my thumbnails and give me some feedback - I got one person who was interested!

Here's a few of their comments :
Everyone I show always loves when the things change suddenly!

They also mentioned that choosing the quests removes some of the immersion.... which is not something that's come up yet, but I can see where they're coming from.....I think once I've got my new thumbnails going I'll do a version that's linear and one that's non-linear and see what people think.

Some of the story plot comments were actually more related to the things I might be cutting out after my conversation with Caroline, but it's still relevant to see what things stand out as issues to different people.

Talking to Caroline

I talked to Caroline during her office hours today, after having sent her my thumbnails.

She agrees with Sam (who has been helping me with the story) that it should just start on the shot of her in her room

She also thought adding a detail of each of the quests in her bedroom at the beginning is a good idea - which is what I am planning to do, it just wasn't mentioned in my thumbnails.

-maybe take out the memory thing, it confuses the story a bit. I'm sad to do this, but after some thinking it might be a good idea.

I could perhaps instead have each of the quests 'belong' to one of the fey, and at the end of each one they disappear? which more clearly show the idea of each quest representing overcoming the Busy Life Stuff which the fey are a metaphor for


Caroline's questions (in pink)

What’s the story?

(adding a few different versions in here, blurb, short synopsis, etc, that I can use if I need them)

A girl who goes on a journey in a faery realm which transforms her.

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Overgrown is a short comic about a girl who goes for a walk in the forest and gets trapped in a
faery realm.

She has to complete three quests to gain her freedom (but that’s if she even wants to go
back to her normal life...)

She goes to the forest to get away from her responsibilities, expectations, and overwhelming
lack of control,

But in the faery realm the messy overgrowing nature and faeries become a metaphor for this,
something she has to overcome.

What’s the plot synopsis?

The protagonist is at home, exhausted and overwhelmed by her busy life full of responsibilities
and expectations.

After getting a bunch of emails and phone calls that annoy her further, she storms off across the
road to the nearby park/forest to get away from it all, and finds herself trapped in a strange faery
realm. She’s quickly discovered by the fae who rule the forest, who tell her she will be trapped there
forever unless she completes three tasks to escape. She’s then approached by another girl who’s
been trapped there longer, who helps her complete the tasks in exchange for the MC getting freedom
for her, too.  Each task is a metaphor for overcoming aspects of her overwhelming life, allowing her
to think ahead, do things one at a time and

As she completes each task, a faery appears to collect the ‘reward’ and then disappears.
Once all three are completed, the last faery appears and says only one of them can leave,
but they outsmart it and both get out. The protagonist arrives home, and starts to tidy her room,
water the plant on the windowsil - and take a little bit more control in sorting out her life.

Who are the key characters?

Protagonist and Friend.

Who are the secondary characters?

The faeries and Forest.

What’s the genre?

Fantasy

What’s the intention?

The narrative is structured around a set of challenges. Does the pace of the narrative change

to reflect the complexity of those challenges?

Is the protagonist transformed on completing the tasks? How is this evident?

I've gone into this

I recommend that on completing each task, she offers that up to the faerie who, in-turn,

points her to the next task and the faerie responsible for that task. Or, that when the task is

complete, the faerie disappears.

Regarding the story, I suggest that it one of psychological transformation.

Regarding the narrative, state the events that are core to the story.

Regarding the quests, I suggest that additional to your ideas:

• the flower is symbolic of planting at the right time
• the beast is symbolic of becoming entangled in inertia
• the weeds are symbolic of delayed action

Pecha Kucha

My slides

Feedback:

Caroline's main points were to think about the dimensions/orientation between mobile and to remember to think about pacing again.

There was also a comment about it 'not looking like a comic' but I think that was purely from looking at my concept art not the thumbnails? the thumbnails are very comic shaped. It did make me realise I think I should do a more fully finished version of a page for the second showing, though.

(Also, I suspect that came from not being aware of the sheer amount of diversity of art styles and forms that comics / webcomics take these days)

Karl also suggested looking into responsive type for my speech bubbles

Second Showing

I set it up with the first two pinned on the wall behind a computer, and the next two on the desk in front of it, with the prototype comic up on the screen. (I also had a sheet of paper for people to write feedback but nobody did)

(I forgot to take a photo of my set up, oops)

When setting up on the mac, as I'd only tested the online version on my laptop and phone (which doesn't work) I wasn't sure if the javascript parts would work on the bigger screen - they don't really, unless I make the window dimensions the same as my laptop. That's definitely something I need to figure out soon. I've set up a meeting with Tim next week so I might bring that up.


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Initially we got into groups of three and spend 20 minutes talking about each of our projects. I was with two people with very different projects and practices to me so it was mostly general thoughts rather than specific bits of advice we gave each other. They didn't really know much about illustration/comics

They thought my concept art was very nice, and liked the style/colours! Read through the comic thumbnails fairly quickly, but thought it made sense as far as it was.

Lydia really liked how the beginning/metaphor of the story was very relatable to a lot of people, uni students etc, and that that made her interested in it even if she doesn't like fantasy

They asked how I was thinking of presenting it in my final presentation, whether I would just go through the comic or something else - which is definitely something to think about it. the interactiveness of scrolling through it yourself is an important part of the experience.

Also, from my point about inspiring other webcomic artists to do more fun things with their webcomics, they wondered if those resources/teaching people how to do it easier could be something for me to design? Which is definitely something I've thought about - but my priority is obviously the comic itself, and I'm not sure if I'll have time to properly design a resource like that. My primary aim is to inspire, not necessarily educate. At the very least though, I will definitely mention somewhere what code/resources I used, and inspiration comics.

I also discussed briefly the responsive design issues I'm having at the moment, and wondering if I should just lock it to a landscape setting

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Observations from other people, once we split from our groups:
Some people read through the thumbnails slowly, some scrolled through them fast.

One person read through it slowly, scrolled back and forth a bit, then when the background changed colour at one point I saw him audibly gasp. He did stop reading at the choice page, and read some of my paper stuff again, then went back to it and I think just went straight to the 'quest complete' page

Another just scrolled through the pages pretty fast, just looking at the cool javascript things rather than actually reading it.


Afterwards when I was looking around at other things, I also (finally) talked to Renee, who's also doing a project on hypercomics. At this point she's focusing on hovering, and having the panels only appear when you hover over them - which is really effective, even at this stage! I especially like how the narration and text are both in the same looking panels, so you don't know if it's going to be text or art before you hover.

Writing feedback

After doing my third pass of the script, plus thumbnails of the first 5 pages I showed Sam who gave a lot of amazing feedback (again)

Some of it being just suggestions for rewriting the dialogue (which I'm not great at), and also some great ideas for the plot - especially this one about connecting each one to a memory, which fits with the ending I have, the connection with the friend, and related to the main theme - the forest unearths memories she’s forgotten, connecting to her past/herself which has been neglected because she’s so overwhelmed. Being able to look back also helps her to look forward into the future, realising everything doesn’t have to be done at once.


I'm not sure exactly how I'm going to show the memories in the scenes themselves, where exactly they'll fit and if they'll make sense..... but I think I'll have a go when I do the thumbnails and see if it makes sense to other people.

I wrote down some of the main points in my workbook - 

and added/edited  a few things on my script document :

(under the cut)

Rough thumbnails-

I did these on a3 paper, with columns for alternate versions / compositions on the bits I'm not sure about.

This has some alt versions still. And two of the quests and the final climax bit I haven't done yet.

I annotated them to show them to Kezia for plot advice, as well as Sam who has been helping me with the writing, though [edited] they didn't end up looking at them until later when I did the online version for second showing.

Kezia's advice on the ending was mostly thinking about the metaphor stuff and what the meaning behind it is; whether defeating the fey, or working something out with them makes more thematic sense

-don't have the other quests

-finale bit..