I printed out all the comments on the google doc (as well as the script itself, not pictured here) to sort them out a bit, because there was too much stuff for me to keep track of. The first column is divided into four for MC, friend, Fey, and then general overarching theme/tech stuff. The other three columns are the plot in order.
I marked various important things, and then wrote stuff down in my notebook, then went back to my google doc and rewrote the script and also a succinct summary (of the themes, etc)
Aside from a few bits that I've got a couple different directions to choose from, it's mostly complete! (to a degree I can start figuring out overall art and pacing, I'm sure many of the smaller details will change)
summary:
Her life is too busy/full of responsibilities or expectations and she’s overwhelmed by it. Goes out into nature to get away from it for a bit, and finds herself trapped in a faery realm [the messy, overgrown vegetation represents her overwhelming life]. She’s quickly discovered by the fae who rule the forest [who represent __], who tell her she will be trapped there forever unless she completes three tasks to escape. She’s then approached by another girl who’s been trapped there longer (and others, who are also trapped there?) [who could represent relationships being affected by her not taking control of stuff?] who gives her tips on how to complete the near-impossible tasks in exchange for the MC getting freedom for her, too. [the three tasks represent some part of the Overwhelming Life Stuff, each one a different part and showing her a way to get over/accept that, and also overall representing the fact that doing things one by one is easier than being overwhelmed by the bigger picture]. She completes the tasks; brings them back to the fey (or they just find her) and there’s One Last Thing - a reveal or sacrifice or choice, before she gets out and goes home [need to add to this last part] [as the story goes on the art gets clearer and less messy, representing her personal development]
NEW VERSION OF THE SCRIPT (below cut)
[--- means a possible place to start a new ‘page’]
Dialogue is also not necessarily final, but more or less what I want them to say
Bullet point parts are bits where I’m not sure on the direction of that particular section, and have a few different options
>possibly a brief prologue thing (like a page or so, i’m thinking something ambiguous with the forest, little vignettes or something, paired with a little narration)
Normal world
>MC doing something normal, at home. Probably in bedroom so there’s lots of indications of who she is around her.
>various life pressures - through phone convo with parent, notifications from computer, a busy calendar, or something...
>It becomes overwhelming and she storms off, goes to relax/get away from it all by going to nearby fields/forest/viewpoint
---
Then she either
- just sits down to relax on a stump or something, with the forest behind her, and falls asleep accidentally
- Or is walking along angrily, muttering to herself or something, trips and falls down a hole/ or walks onto a faery ring and passes out/falls into darkness
---
Call to adventure
>Wakes up. It’s like, twilight, takes a second, but then realises she better get home, oops (it’s dark and cold, she probably doesn’t have a jacket)
>Walks a bit/looks around “wait a sec….” the old ruins feel more alive, and everything’s darker and bigger….realises it’s all quite not familiar
>”nope”
Refusal
>checks phone, no signal, then it glitches possibly - the signal changing, and the time (magic interferes with technology, it means a disconnection with the real world/a lfieline, also provides a brief warning..)
>Drops it, sees the circle of fey, kinda looming, or appearing out of the vegetation (possibly 0-100% opacity as you scroll, they turn from vague vegetation silhouettes to beings)
>nope 2.0
(either they were watching her then she notices or her reaction makes them see her)
---
Fey:Have you brought us a gift?
MC:No???? what
F: welcome to your new home then!
MC:Hold up one second
>turns and runs away
>stops for a second, looks up, and they’re right there as if she hadn’t moved
MC: ahhh!
F: now, there’s no need to run away! / we’re so happy to have you here
MC: laughs nervously
F: any who enter our realm cannot leave / unless…, there is one way…. / no, she couldn’t possibly….
MC> what? What can I do?
F: if you complete for us three tasks / we will grant your freedom
> possibly overlaid on little silhouette vignettes of the tasks to complete? Maybe some more dialogue explaining them - but not in that much detail.
>then they leave suddenly, and she’s left not knowing what to do (they didn’t give her any solid instructions)
MC: ….what now?
----
Mentor – object, advice, strength // Crossing threshold - (commit to change)
>A girl appears, frightens the MC a bit
(possibly some other humans behind her, but more faded than she is, they don’t talk. Just to represent there’s others there. I think I like the idea of her being the only one though, it makes her more mysterious/not sure if you can trust her)
MC: ahh! What do you want now- oh. Hi (thinks she’s the fey again, then realises not? Not sure about this reaction. Maybe instead she just yells)
Friend: So...you’re trapped here, huh? (what’s something she could say that implies she knows her, but doesn’t make it obvious?)
>looks MC up and down, maybe walks around her. MC doesn’t know what to do
MC: The forest - the, whatever they are - said I have to find three things for them but…..
Friend: Yes, the three tasks. The faeries trap people who stumble into this place, tempting us with a chance to get out, using us for their entertainment. They’re near impossible if you don’t know what you’re doing. I’ll help you, if you take me with you when you get out
MC: why can’t you just do the tasks yourself?
Friend: I’ve been trapped here for a while….stay in this place too long and it sucks away your strength...you end up like this... (motions at herself, greyed and with plants starting to grow on her? Something visual) but if I tell you what to do………
MC: okay..that sounds good. I have no idea what I’m doing, but this place gives me the creeps…
Friend: swear to me that you’ll get me out too (slightly ominous?)
---
Dunno if there should be anything in here before they go straight into the quests?
A page with like….three paths, and you can click on any. Maybe some dialogue like ‘which one should we do first? Could also be some kind of map? - maybe that the friend has, and it’s actually one that they drew together when MC was there as a kid? Dunno if/how that could be revealed tho
Challenges
They all lead back to the above page.
Probably mostly wordless action, kinda like a montage showing it happen? Probably should be some dialogue in there somewhere - that’ll add some more specific development I think, rather than going straight from them meeting to the finale (in terms of talking). Probably one ‘page’ each, too.
>each one shows the protagonist growing in some way, getting confidence or overcoming something implied in the intro part. The quests themselves are random in terms of the fey’s intentions, but what the MC gets out of it is a metaphor or whatever
>building friendship/trust with Friend
>they revitalise some memories….somehow show she remembers things?
>the messy overgrowth gets a bit clearer, a bit less overgrown
>timeline is ambiguous - things overlap, bits of conversation are echoed. Timeline is fluid, ambiguous, things get swallowed or revealed - reader can read them in any order.
>Fey are also possibly watching from the trees? Or maybe even animated plants moving could represent them (as they are some kind of embodiment/manifestation of the forest or vice versa)
(these need to be be fleshed out more, and are just rough at this point. Mostly based on michelle’s ideas, thanks!!)
Quest A
>Track down a hard to find flower or plant
eg needing direction
the flower itself could be inconsequential, it’s the various dangers on the way that are the challenge
and she needs to work together with friend, maybe some other humans trapped there?,
eg teamwork, accepting help
---
Quest B
>go tame a beast and bring back a feather/scale/egg
and it’s all big and scary but actually a big baby who’s got a thorn in its’ foot (classic) or separated from its parent (a literal baby) and she figures that out?
about her relationships with people/empathy/friendship/thinking of others?
---
Quest C
>use her creativity in some way, gain confidence etc,
>repair a section of forest, help some dying plants to grow (ok maybe not considering the overgrowth/consuming plants theme….) (unless it’s a little rare plant that’s being smothered too?
(oooh this could relate to the part I just added in the ending, of her cleaning up the mess of her room, it’s about having doing things one step at a time, easier than it looks if you just start, etc)
---
Is there another scene here before it goes into the final bit? - maybe a conversation between the friend and MC
---
Innermost cave – danger or conflict its’ led up to
>needs to either yell for the fey, go back to the place she met them, or maybe they just show up when she’s completed the tasks...
>takes the things back to the fey, places them in front of them? (I’m unsure at this point what exactly the things are, so that’ll determine how that part works)
Fey: fantastic!! (takes them, or looks at them, maybe one is talking and others are looking at them? -ultimately the objects are unimportant, the fey were more interested in watching the tasks be completed. Maybe in the background one faery eats one of the things or something.)
F: you completed these tasks admirably…./ so long since we’ve been so entertained! / we’ll be sad to see you leave again…
MC: wait….again? I’ve never...
Ordeal / sacrifice – everything on the line
F: Of course! Don’t you remember…? / You used to come here regularly! / We don’t require [quests] from children, of course, / they’re entertaining enough without any encouragement / but it’s been so long / and now that you’re older, well.. /
I’m picturing like, a dual thing going on, flashes of memories [which maybe animate when you hover, or they slide in from the sides..] and the MC looking confused, while the fey say the above, and then (while memories are still happening?)....
I’m surprised your friend there didn’t remind you, / you used to be awfully close…
MC looks at friend, like, what???
Friend: you left me behind…
> some more conversation here? About that, and/or the fey saying some more stuff..
---?
- Fey: well, you’ve done what we asked, and a bargain is a bargain….time to go home!
MC: wait! (she suddenly doesn’t want to leave, not without resolving stuff with Friend)
>but boop, magic, the fey do something and she’s in the normal forest again (or zooms out a magic tunnel of light, or something)
- Or some more conversation, between MC and friend, and also MC and fey (who are amused by this whole Situation)
>they give her a choice to either stay, with the friend, and keep the memories (and weren’t you trying to get away from your busy life anyway?), or leave and forget
>and then I guess somehow either they come to an agreement, MC+ friend team up to outsmart the fey and both get out
---
Reward – transformed, secret/knowledge/facilitates return & Return/resurection (merges into above, too)
The reward is that she gets out, and has overcome the overwhelming things a little bit I guess
Possible endings:
- Possibly just ending there, when she gets out/or walking out the tunnel, it fades to black
- >There’s a path and she goes out into the light/ or maybe just a magic boop and she’s asleep
>Wakes up, back in the normal forest? + with the friend with her (“I had the weirdest dream….’ then looks over and sees the other girl)
- >Or maybe after (either of the above), cuts to her opening the door to her house/or bedroom, an echo of the beginning.
>She stares out the window up at the forest briefly
>then does something like, grabs the mess of stuff on her desk and starts to tidy it, or picks up the phone to call someone, or otherwise something showing she’s a little more gonna sort out her life.
- In the case that she just got thrown out before talking to the friend, maybe she could show up; indicating she got herself out somehow? (this might require a conversation/explanation here that doesn’t fit in the epilogue style ending bit tho) (maybe there could be the above bullet point, then an epilogue after that with the friend showing up)
Some things I maybe want to be in there somewhere? but haven’t explicitly put in (also just some specific bits of comment I want to keep track of haha):
- Other characters represent people she knows from real life - it’s ambiguous whether they literally are those people, if you interpret it as the whole thing in in her head, or otherwise they just sort of represent her relationships with others as being something she needs to work on? And sam’s point: “If the other characters represent relationships within her own life I think you could absolutely play with that! Like a flash of recognition and uncertainty from her, and the other characters treating her with some measure of aloofness initially but not later. Or, possibly, they could seem to really crave her attention and then later just be neutral, which might show some character growth or resolution there.” and also, if they are there it should only be briefly, since adding too many more characters will mean needing to develop them somehow and i don’t have time for that
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